I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
