420 ftw
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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