Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
