At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize