SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
