All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize