Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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