You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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