Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
