You can't special order awesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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