Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
