That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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