i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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