I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
