I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
