so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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