True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
