just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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