ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
