smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
