I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
