Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
