I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
