no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
