when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize