Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
