I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
