She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
