This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
