Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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