dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
