I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
