I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize