I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
