so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
