you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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