well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
