What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
