I will die if light touches me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
