your parents love me but you hate me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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