Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need to calm my uterus...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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