What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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