Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
