I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
