I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
