dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
