Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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