This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
