I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
