so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are my feet made of real feet?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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