Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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