We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
