dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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