My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
nutella sex= disaster
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
