What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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