Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
