a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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