The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
