I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
