Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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