Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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