i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
