Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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