took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize