Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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