The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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