I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
